In the days after I had realised that I was madly in love with Victoria and still madly in love with my husband, I had little sleep, as I imagined a wonderful situation where Victoria lived with us full time, where she was an equal partner in our relationship, where we got to all love each other, as well as all fuck each other frequently and mercilessly.
I knew there was a good chance that I was heading for a fall. I knew it wasn’t all that likely to work out like I imagined. After all, how likely is it for us to find someone who genuinely and whole-heartedly wants to fuck both of us, let alone that that someone would change her mind (from not wanting a relationship at all to wanting in on a polyamorous one). Still, I dreamed and wanked about it. I couldn’t help it. I was so excited.
I started reading up on all things polyamorous, to prepare myself for the conversations that lay ahead, and also to understand more about what I might be getting into. And there was a lot to take in.
One thing that is very clear is that it isn’t a quick decision to make, nor was it an easy one. Not many polyamorous relationships make it past early days, and the last thing I wanted was to ruin what we had. There are many pitfalls, much to discuss and many plans to be made.
When my husband and me decided to get married, it wasn’t a grand gesture, a lavish proposal on a beach in Tahiti or flashing on a stadium scoreboard. It wasn’t even a down on one knee thing. It was just a conversation where I mentioned we should probably get married and my husband said, yes, I think we should. Simple as that, and real. A lot of those gestures aren’t real, whereas this was sorting it out the way we always sort things out.
Well, it was similar with Vicki. Small steps without a grand design at the end of it, no big decision or question that needed answering, just an inevitable drift towards a special relationship, and a complicated one at that.
The biggest complication which was present right from the start was that this wasn’t a closed relationship. My husband and me both wanted to fuck other people (with full knowledge and consent), indeed often us both fucking the same person. Neither of us wanted to give that prize up when we brought Vicki into the family, and so it was some relief when Vicki agreed to apply our rules to all three of us.
It sounds somewhat more formal than it actually is. All we say is that all three in the group agrees to one or more of the group fucking someone else (someone specific on a person by person basis). We also have rules about sexual protection and tests that we all apply but given these are planned fucks (for demisexual reasons) and not random fucks, often things can be done to allow safe bareback (a preference for all three of us).
It has to be said that although the three of us had different paths to where we are now, the one thing we all had in common was lots and lots of bareback sex. Right through university (or before), through professional careers, all three of us enjoyed a lot of bareback sex, and we were lucky. Very lucky. None of us got any nasty STDs, and there were no pregnancies involved. In these days where you can get STD check-ups on a routine basis, there is now a lot less risk, and when demisexuality means you need to know someone rather than picking them up in a bar, you get a chance to plan and do tests in advance.
When it was just my husband and me, we planned to have people we could both fuck (hence Vicki), and we were always looking for the illusive man we could both fuck. I have to admit we didn’t really think anyone would turn into a full polyamorous partner, but such is our emotional attachment to Vicki that it was inevitable. But our intention wasn’t to find one person to fuck, it was to find a number. What happened with Vicki was very much not part of the plan.
Fundamentally, this is the continuation with a process that began ages ago, as my husband and I began to discuss our sexualities, our desires, our needs, and we realised we wanted to watch other people have sex, and then for us to actually have sex with other people. It has been a brilliant decision, although I realise not a decision that many relationships could take. Ours though has only been enhanced by it.
Although for me, Vicki went from being about sex to being about love. I think it is the increase in the amount of love I could give and receive that makes the situation appealing to me, especially as my nuclear family is toxic and we have little to do with them – the idea of a loving extended family, all of whom contribute to the whole is something many people have and I never have – it has always been about me and my husband, and here it was potentially being about someone else as well. Once I had put away the notion that in loving Victoria, I would reduce my love for my husband in some way, there were only positives for me.
I remember with fondness the day I told Vicki that I loved her. One weekend, when Vicki was down for her fourth weekend in a row (unusual in itself). My husband wasn’t home yet, and I was lying on the floor with Vicki’s cunt firmly planted on my mouth. My tongue was firmly probing her folds and tasting her delicious flavour, and I was staring lovingly up past her mound, her stomach, and her tits to her sweet face, which had gone from smiling to focussing on what my tongue was up to.
After I made her cum for the fourth time, she looked down into my eyes, with a twinkle and what looked like lots of love, and she asked me what I was thinking. She lifted her cunt off my mouth enough for me to speak, that brief pause was all I had to decide whether to go for it. I told her that I loved her and wanted to be able to do this virtually every day rather than a couple of times a month.
Her smile slightly broadened as she lowered her cunt back down, saying she would like that, before mischievously adding that I needed the practice. Cheeky bitch.
But it was out there, and she hadn’t run away. As I was licking her cunt, I was thinking about how things may develop. It did at least provoke thoughts and start discussions, but the reality was that we were drifting towards polyamory anyway. Fundamentally, we did all feel the same, and whilst nobody wanted to move quickly, the direction of travel was pretty clear, and it wasn’t far from what I imagined.
We all know there will be more. As inevitably as fucking Vicki, there will be others. But we have the framework in place and are all totally on board. What amazing people they both are. What an amazing relationship we all have. And I know the best is yet to come.