I was discussing the sexuality of both myself and my husband with a tutor after an LGBTQ+ awareness session, and we pretty much agreed that it was likely that both my husband and I were demisexuals. But that wasn’t the whole picture, and she set out to show me what else was going on.
I had mentioned during the awareness session that I was bi-playful, meaning that I’d had a bit of fun with some women I knew, the kind of thing a lot of ladies do these days; you know, snogging, mutual masturbation, that sort of thing. As you may well know, bisexuality is romantic or sexual feelings or attraction to both men and women. I had been sexually attracted to certain women in the past, but again only to some I knew quite well; indeed, I did have some very confusing memories of friendships and misunderstandings, especially in my twenties. She suggested I view these bi tendencies through the lens of demisexuality.
She also made it clear that bisexual doesn’t mean an equal attraction to both sexes, so it is entirely likely that someone could be bisexual, and yet only have had serious relationships with one sex. That fits me perfectly.
Several studies comparing bisexuals with heterosexuals or homosexuals have indicated that on average bisexuals have higher rates of sexual activity, fantasy, or erotic interest, on average masturbate more and enjoy masturbation more, and on average are more experienced in different types of heterosexual contact. That too fits me perfectly. Especially when I’m in the mood, I masturbate a lot, we fuck every single day (at the moment) and I have a lot of sexual interests. I’ve also gone a lot further than many females do in terms of types of heterosexual activity, particularly with my husband.
However, when I started listing my sexual contact with females, there was rather more than I initially thought, and actually, given the steamy sex I’ve had with women, I’ve gone well beyond “playful” but not really realised it. Indeed, a friend did talk to me when I was last between partners about not restricting my partner search to men, and I was actually quite keen on the idea.
So, the first question the asked was how many men had put cocks and fingers inside my cunt? Seven (the six who’ve fucked me and one lad with his fingers at college). How many women had put their fingers inside my cunt? Four (two at uni and two since). How many women had I put my fingers inside their cunt? The same four. And finally, how many women had I snogged? Proper snogs not quick pecks. Nine (the four above plus another two at uni and another three since).
Obviously, these are very crude questions, but the point she was trying to make was that I had more than enough bi experiences and thoughts to go way further than bi-playful. She then brought up my friend with Klinefelter syndrome who I was desperately attracted too and wanted to fuck. So, in her opinion, I’m pansexual rather than bi. Pansexuality is the sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity.
Add that to my demisexuality, and her opinion, my likely sexuality is actually “demi-pansexual” or “demi-pan”.
The tutor then brought up the possibility of my husband being bisexual. Again, through the lens of demisexuality, he might be. He hasn’t really had any close male friends to speak of (he had lots of superficial male friendships of late, but nothing close to enough for a sexual attraction), but when I mentioned to him that I would like him to have a real cock up his ass just once (so that he can feel what I feel when he ass-fucks me), he said that it would all depend on who the man was, and that none of our current friends were right. That is such a demisexual answer and gives a hint to the fact that he might be bisexual too.
I did know that he had a few gay experiences with friends when he was younger, a few things like playing with cocks, rubbing ass cheeks together, sitting on naked laps, that sort of thing. Actually, talking to him later that evening, there was rather more to it. There was a small group who started exploring each other’s bodies. For example, whilst sitting on naked laps, the person who was being sat on masturbated the sitter, and if the person being wanked came, the cum was fed to someone else. This was often done under the guise of a distracting the person being wanked from playing a computer game. They never kissed each other on the lips, but they did kiss and indeed lick each other’s ass cheeks, finally ending up licking all down their ass cracks. By the end of their time together (i.e., up until they went to uni), they were sucking on each other’s balls and giving each other full and proper blow jobs, swallowing of course, with blow job technique taught to them by one of their older sisters. I did wonder during our early relationship why he was so much of a blow job expert (and not from the cock side). He never got anywhere near anal penetration, but he did thoroughly enjoy those experiences he did have.
The final piece to his sexuality puzzle comes with reference to our friend with Klinefelter syndrome again. One evening when my husband and I were chatting, I asked whether he’d like to play with our friend’s tits. My husband said yes; he thinks tits are tits and need to be played with. He also said how great it would be to play with both our friend’s tits and his cock at the same time, and about how much he’d love to do so.
The tutor suggested that this attitude to non-binary people suggests my husband is pansexual as well, making his likely sexuality “demi-pan” as well.
So, what does all this mean?
Well firstly, we had lots to talk about. Neither of us had ever considered our sexual orientation, and yet we have a lot of experiences and feelings that needed to be explored. There were lots of stories to be told (some of which will be recounted here), and lots of thinking to be done. And lots of fucking; all this talk of sexuality, attractions and old sexual contact made us both really horny, so we ended up fucking the night away during many a discussion.
To us, labels usually aren’t usually important, but in this case, discovering our demi-pan identities has proved to be reassuring. The main thing it has done is to make sense of the reasons for us feeling the way we did in our prior life and encounters. It all makes sense now, where previously, it definitely did not.
It’s also given us a little nudge to explore our sexualities further when opportunities arise. It primarily led us to us a decision to fuck other people (as a couple), both a way of exploring sexuality and of finding interesting ways to fuck. It has, for example, show us that we need to sort friendships out before we could take a full part in a swingers club. It also gives me hope that one day I’ll see a big hard cock driving into my husband’s asshole.
We’ve never been so comfortable in our own sexualities as now and having labels has proved to be wonderfully comforting and therapeutic. We’ve been able to make connections and friends in the demisexual and bi/pansexual communities, and have even met some other demi-bi and demi-pan people; our people, a surprisingly small group.
